Between Me and My Kids

Before I write many parenting related posts, I thought I’d share some of my parenting viewpoint here. Every parents have their own parenting style that can be totally different from one another. Which one is the right one? Well, who are we to judge, right? After all, each parents are the one who understand the family situation, the kids character, what’s work and what’s not.

I still don’t know what my parenting approach is called or if there’s such a thing. But if I can break it down into a few points, it would be:

I try to emphasize on moments instead of products


I don’t really buy many products or toys for my kids. That’s why I haven’t been active on the little gear thread. I prefer to take them to do some activities or give them priceless moments. I didn’t have many toys too growing up and that didn’t delay my development at all. Jehan  (my 19 m.o) can always learn colors and texture from my colorful eyeshadow :D.

I am more concern on the behavior than have more impact in the long run

I am more adamant about forcing the kids to throw trash in the trash can than I am about forcing them to sit down for the entire meal. Please don’t get me wrong, it is always better to have your kids sit nicely on the dining chair. But if  it doesn’t always work  and the only way for them to eat is when they sit outside next to the fish pond then I don’t see there’s something wrong with it. As long as your kids eat, right?. At some point, they will just sit down when they eat without being told. Just look at us now :D. I am also not too crazy about disciplining my kids with fixed schedule and try to revolve it around my schedule. I never set a bed time for them before they start school.

I always keep my promise


I am far from being a perfect mom and not in a race of best mom. But something I always take pride is I never underestimate my children feelings. I don’t give them false hope just for the sake of stirring their attention. I would feel really bad if I have to break my promise, even if it’s just little promises. I remember too well the unpleasant feeling that I had experienced when I was a kid, just because the adults suddenly didn’t feel like going to Ancol.

Everything in moderation


Some parents would not let their kids play video game, let alone  watch TV. Some would never introduce KFC or candy to their kids. Me? I have no problem with those as long as everything is in moderation. I rarely have a jar of candy in my house, but even when I do my son knows he can only eat one candy a day.  He knows his limit. I let him play Wii, but he hasn’t touched it for the last two months because he’s been busy playing with his bike outside. I let my  19 months old watch TV, in the hope for getting some internet time for my self :D but she doesn’t think it’s anything special.

I don’t think I am overprotective

But maybe that depends on who the benchmark is. I am more protective than how my mom was to me. But that’s normal right? Considering the city is much safer twenty years ago than it is today. Still, I don’t want to give the impression to my kids that the world is a scary place.

May these chubby little feet keep on moving exploring

I am lucky to have a house on a dead end street with only a few houses around, So there’s no cars driving around. I let my son play bike outside with the neighbors. I send the maid to check on him every now and then. Sometimes it does cross my mind that someone could kidnap him or something. But I don’t want to let that fear gets into my common sense and then killing his curiosity thus depriving his ability to understand his surrounding and how to avoid or tackle problems. After all, it’s my job to equip him with necessary survival skills to face life and its challenges. I need to trust him too that he will be okay on his own.

I always give them choices


At least, whenever I can.  Talking about brushing their decision making skill :) . I hold them to their decisions too so they learn about commitment and consequences from early on. When my son was 2.5 y.o, he wanted something so bad he was willing to give up his pacifier for a trade. He was crying out loud at the first night, looking for his pacifier. But I didn’t give it to him because he already made his decision to let go of his pacifier. That was the end of the pacifier phase.

Sometimes, it’s okay if they don’t do what I want them to do as long as they don’t do things I don’t want them to do

See the difference? For example:

A: I want them to drink their juices
B: I don’t want them to drink soda

I’m fine if they ignore the juice as long as they don’t drink the soda. And this applies to many cases too, not just food :)

Alright, I think this should be enough for a start. I’m looking forward to read everyone’s parenting style ..:)

10 Comments - Write a Comment

  1. wah ada prinsip-prinsip yang sama nih Han. kaya keep my promise. it’s a BIG NO for me to break my/our promise to the kids (exceptions tentunya ada, misalnya mau berenang outdoor tau2 ujan gede gak berenti2). juga everything in moderation. aku pernah ikut seminar, pembicaranya garis keras banget, no tv AT ALL ! udah cengar-cengir sendiri membayangkan reaksinya dia kalau tahu gaya pengurusanku. yang I always give them choices, itu bikin aku inget sama satu prinsipku, NO MEANS NO. kalau udah dibilang NO, maka dia gak akan dapet. mau nangis teriak2, guling2 di mall sampe diliatin orang gak masalah. mungkin orang ngeliatnya aku ibu yang kejam banget kali, anak nangis2 masih tetep aja NO. hahaha…

  2. hannn…gw beliin Tiara mainan buanyakkk banget. i think me & hubby spoiled Tiara a lot with toys. Abisan jaman dulu kita kecil ga ada mainan spt sekarang…hehehehe. Lah ini yg mau mainan Tiara apa bapak ibunya yahh…hihihih.

    nahhh kalo soal duduk lagi makan dan pake carseat…it’s a must. Tapi disatu sisi, Tiara mau duduk pas lagi makan dengan catatan diputerin barneyy :D like you said Han…anything as long as Tiara mau makan. Kalo nanti ada saatnya dia maunya makan sambil jalan…ya apa boleh buat. Cuma kalo utk carseat, i am really strict about it. kalo ntar ga mau duduk di carseat…ya udah ga usah pergi :D

    Gw juga ga mau lie to my daughter. Iya yah iya…enggak ya enggak. Don’t wanna give my daughter false hope.

    Aduhhhh Hanii, kalo untuk overprotective…gw sangat2 overprotective thd Tiara :D tapi akhir2 ini gw agak loosen up kok. Kesian juga everytime alwayss no to this no to that. skrg mulai banyak…yess Tiara yeeesss :D

    halah jadi panjangg komennya :D

  3. Han, good article!
    Abis baca jadi berasa gak salah-salah banget jadi Mama..

    Salah satunya kasih nonton TV .. hahahha..
    Maika baru mau nonton TV 1-2 bulan ini, dulunya sih diputerin cuman mau lagunya aja joged-joged. Giliran film-nya ‘cerita’ kabur deh! Skr lumayan deh, bisa diem 15-20 menit buat gue cek twitter… :P

    Soal mainan, gue beliin Maika banyak mainan gara2 gue ‘berharap’ Maika bisa anteng diem dan bermain! Ternyata percuma, tetep aja maunya naik sana-sini, manjat, jumpalitan.. mainan cuman tahan 10 menit aja..

  4. hani, idem untuk rules-nya, gw ga terlalu ‘mengikat’ langit dengah high chair/ car seat. selama dia mau makan,mo begaya apa terserah deh. seperti lo bilang tar juga gedean dikit dia pasti duduk di meja kok :D
    ttg janji, ya gw juga berusaha tepati janji. suatu hari pernah janji mau renang, eh langit ketiduran bangun sore banget akhirnya ga jadi. abis itu dia selalu ‘nagih’ ke gw dengan ngomongin renang mulu! kyaaaa…..baiklah, 2 hari kemudian diwjudukan walaupun harus bangun lebih pagi :)

  5. Thank you Inga… :)

    Muti: Iya tentunya ada lah pengecualian yang diluar kontrol kita yaa. Oh iya sama tuh gue juga, NO means NO. Apalagi kalo udah sampe anaknya nangis bener bener nggak bakalan gue turutin….karena nanti mereka jadi tau senjatanya kan.

    Rani: Hihihi. Iya car seat itu is a must buat safety ya Ran. Tapi Jehan enggak nih huhu, palingan kalo pas pergi jauh aja kaya ke Puncak atau ke Bandung gitu. Masalahnya dia tuh sering banget diangkut sama nyokap gue atau nyokapnya Oki, trus sering juga yang semobil rame rame, jadi nggak muat kalo harus ditaro car seat juga :D. Gara gara itu juga sih gue jarang beliin mainan, dia lebih sering pergi perginya soalnya. Trus juga lebih tertarik sama mainan kakaknya…:D.

    Nopai: Pengen liat Maika jumpalitan, hehehe..pasti lucu banget. Iya emang kalo dibeliin Mainan gitu kan, cuma dipake untuk beberapa menit pertama aja, selanjutnya wassalam. Gue juga takutnya kalo soal mainan yang di pasar itu safetynya sih, soalnya kalo yang plastik plastik gitu kan rapuh banget, jadi malah bahaya kalo sampe pecah/retak trus banyak parts2nya yang kecil2 gitu. Jadi kalo mau beliin ya mesti sekalian yang bagus biar awet

    Lita: hehe, ntar gedean dikit pasti nggak bisa dijanjiin deh Lit, bakalan nagiiihhh melulu. Oh iya satu lagi gue juga nggak suka bohongin anak supaya mau ngelakuin sesuatu. Kaya ‘Makan dulu yuk, ntar abis makan kita liat badut’, padahal sih nggak ada badut juga disekitar..hehe

    Thi: Thank you Thi, salam kenal juga. Am certainly no expert on parenting siih, but we could always learn from other moms here…:)

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