Before I write many parenting related posts, I thought I’d share some of my parenting viewpoint here. Every parents have their own parenting style that can be totally different from one another. Which one is the right one? Well, who are we to judge, right? After all, each parents are the one who understand the family situation, the kids character, what’s work and what’s not.
I still don’t know what my parenting approach is called or if there’s such a thing. But if I can break it down into a few points, it would be:
I try to emphasize on moments instead of products
I don’t really buy many products or toys for my kids. That’s why I haven’t been active on the little gear thread. I prefer to take them to do some activities or give them priceless moments. I didn’t have many toys too growing up and that didn’t delay my development at all. Jehan (my 19 m.o) can always learn colors and texture from my colorful eyeshadow :D.
I am more concern on the behavior than have more impact in the long run
I am more adamant about forcing the kids to throw trash in the trash can than I am about forcing them to sit down for the entire meal. Please don’t get me wrong, it is always better to have your kids sit nicely on the dining chair. But if it doesn’t always work and the only way for them to eat is when they sit outside next to the fish pond then I don’t see there’s something wrong with it. As long as your kids eat, right?. At some point, they will just sit down when they eat without being told. Just look at us now :D. I am also not too crazy about disciplining my kids with fixed schedule and try to revolve it around my schedule. I never set a bed time for them before they start school.
I always keep my promise
I am far from being a perfect mom and not in a race of best mom. But something I always take pride is I never underestimate my children feelings. I don’t give them false hope just for the sake of stirring their attention. I would feel really bad if I have to break my promise, even if it’s just little promises. I remember too well the unpleasant feeling that I had experienced when I was a kid, just because the adults suddenly didn’t feel like going to Ancol.
Everything in moderation
Some parents would not let their kids play video game, let alone watch TV. Some would never introduce KFC or candy to their kids. Me? I have no problem with those as long as everything is in moderation. I rarely have a jar of candy in my house, but even when I do my son knows he can only eat one candy a day. He knows his limit. I let him play Wii, but he hasn’t touched it for the last two months because he’s been busy playing with his bike outside. I let my 19 months old watch TV, in the hope for getting some internet time for my self :D but she doesn’t think it’s anything special.
I don’t think I am overprotective
But maybe that depends on who the benchmark is. I am more protective than how my mom was to me. But that’s normal right? Considering the city is much safer twenty years ago than it is today. Still, I don’t want to give the impression to my kids that the world is a scary place.
I am lucky to have a house on a dead end street with only a few houses around, So there’s no cars driving around. I let my son play bike outside with the neighbors. I send the maid to check on him every now and then. Sometimes it does cross my mind that someone could kidnap him or something. But I don’t want to let that fear gets into my common sense and then killing his curiosity thus depriving his ability to understand his surrounding and how to avoid or tackle problems. After all, it’s my job to equip him with necessary survival skills to face life and its challenges. I need to trust him too that he will be okay on his own.
I always give them choices
At least, whenever I can. Talking about brushing their decision making skill :) . I hold them to their decisions too so they learn about commitment and consequences from early on. When my son was 2.5 y.o, he wanted something so bad he was willing to give up his pacifier for a trade. He was crying out loud at the first night, looking for his pacifier. But I didn’t give it to him because he already made his decision to let go of his pacifier. That was the end of the pacifier phase.
Sometimes, it’s okay if they don’t do what I want them to do as long as they don’t do things I don’t want them to do
See the difference? For example:
A: I want them to drink their juices
B: I don’t want them to drink soda
I’m fine if they ignore the juice as long as they don’t drink the soda. And this applies to many cases too, not just food :)
Alright, I think this should be enough for a start. I’m looking forward to read everyone’s parenting style ..:)